never play flip cup with pint glasses
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
