Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
