best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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