There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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