it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
