I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
