You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
