I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
