why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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