I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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