Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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