Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
