You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I faked an abortion last night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
