Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
