I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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