seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
