all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
