I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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