Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
