hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
