I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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