Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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