the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
