Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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