If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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