Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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