man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
