Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
