yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
