Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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