Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
