I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
