My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
