So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
