She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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