I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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