And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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