I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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