On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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