you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
