So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
