Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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