I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
