i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
