I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
