He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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