Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
