We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
