If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
