Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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