Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.

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(770): View more from Georgia

We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase

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(516): View more from New York

If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.

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(310): View more from California

oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.

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(503): View more from Oregon

i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again

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(512): View more from Texas

The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning

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(937): View more from Ohio

Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.

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(214): View more from Texas

Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later

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