I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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